Rosaria Butterfield on Adoption

Secret ThoughtsIf you haven’t read the amazing story of Rosaria Butterfield, it’s hard to recommend many books more for validation of the work of the Holy Spirit. Butterfield tells the story of her conversion out of life as a lesbian and liberal university professor to become the believing wife of a Reformed and Presbyterian Pastor. She is typically very deliberate in her thinking and I appreciate her clarity. Below is a passage that I saved from Butterfield on adoption from her first book, Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert:

Adoption is not a pathology that marks and plagues people and families for their whole life. But adoption is a complex paradoxical event that combines loss, brokenness and rejection with gain, connection, and embrace. No child asks to be adopted. No child asks for incompetent or rejecting birth parents. No child asks to be constantly told how “lucky” he is to be adopted. Wanted or not, adoption always starts with loss. Adoption always combines ambiguous loss with unrequested gain. An adopted child faces this paradox— this ambiguous grief— at each developmental stage. His or her family must choose to either welcome the complexity or make the child go it alone. We choose to walk alongside our children, even as we don’t always understand how deep or how raw the complexity rests. This journey is frightful. At it’s core is this: do I love Jesus enough to face my children’s rejection of me? (p. 126)

Counseling and the Westminster Confession of Faith – 1.4

WCFParagraph 4 of the Westminster Confession of Faith chapter one reads:

The authority of the Holy Scripture, for which it ought to be believed, and obeyed, depends not upon the testimony of any man, or Church; but wholly upon God (who is truth itself) the author thereof: and therefore it is to be received, because it as the Word of God.

There are times in counseling when the issue of authority needs to be discussed. That is, if we believe that there is a God and that the Bible is His Word, then His Word is authoritative over the opinions of man – even psychologists or psychiatrists. But how do we know it is the Word of God?

This paragraph in Westminster, though short, begins to answer the question for us as it introduces us to the ‘self-attesting authority’ of God’s Word. Think of it this way, we often establish one authority over the authority of another by appealing to an authority over both of them. The policeman has authority over me on the road because the law says so. Appealing to a higher authority settles the lesser authority question.

But what is the highest authority? And how do we know it is the highest authority if there is no higher authority to prove it? An ultimate authority is unique in that you cannot prove it the way you do lesser authorities. In the end, an ultimate authority must prove itself, and this can only be done indirectly. That is, you don’t prove it directly from evidence, you prove it by showing the effects of removing it. If the very reality of truth, knowledge and meaning is dependent upon this authority (the Bible), then removing what it teaches about God, man, reality, knowledge etc. as a foundation destroys everything founded upon it. And that is just the case with the Bible and what it tells us about this world. God is the necessary foundation for all knowledge, without Him knowledge is impossible.

This is not to say that the Bible is true because it says it is true – which is circular reasoning. But rather, the Bible is true because truth is not possible without it. Or as Solomon writes, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” Proverbs 1:7.  We can know the Bible is true because if it were not true, we couldn’t know anything. This is heavy sledding, no?

In relation to counseling, the counselee may need to be shown where ultimate authority lies so that he knows he can trust it and depend upon it for change. Any authority that he depends upon over and against God’s Word will only undermine his healing. Westminster 1.4 is a good starting point.

The Role of Prayer Meetings in the Life of WRPC

thumb_WRPC Prayer Circles 2015-07-22 023_1024We have four prayer meetings per week at WRPC, so that everyone can find a convenient time to gather with fellow believers for concerted prayer.

We often say that our prayer meetings are “the engine that drives everything else that we do”, for we certainly have no desire to move forward upon our cleverness or the arm of the flesh !

Erroll Hulse rightly said, “The weekly prayer meeting is the spiritual barometer for a local church. You can tell with a fair degree of accuracy what the church is like by the demeanour or substance of the weekly prayer meeting. Is there genuine evangelistic concern? If so it will be expressed in the prayers. Is there a heartfelt longing for the conversion of unconverted family members? If so that is sure to surface. Is there a world vision and a fervent desire for revival and the glory of our Redeemer among the nations of the world? Such a burden cannot be suppressed. Is there a heart agony about famine and war and the need for the gospel of peace among the suffering multitudes of mankind? The church prayer meeting will answer that question. Intercession in the prayer meeting will soon reveal a loving church that cares for those who are oppressed and weighed down with trials and burdens. Those bearing trials too painful or personal to be described in public will nevertheless find comfort in the prayer meeting, for there the Holy Spirit is especially at work.”

As we studied our way thru the Book of Acts in 2013 and 2014 one of the most striking observations we made was that the prayer meetings of the early church were vital.

  • In Acts 1:14 – before the Day of Pentecost – we are told, “they all continued with one accord in prayer.”
  • After Pentecost and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit nothing changes – they “continued steadfastly…..in prayer(Acts 2:42).
  • When the early church was being racked with persecution, “they raised their voice to God with one accord” (Acts 4:24)
  • The first church in Europe was born in a women’s prayer meeting (Acts 16:13-15).

Charles Spurgeon, in his marvelous booklet, Only a Prayer Meetingsaid, “we shall never see much change for the better in our churches in general until the prayer meeting occupies a higher place in the esteem of Christians.”

Prayerlessness is a root sin. If you are too busy to gather with the saints to pray, you are busier than God wants you to be.

The Right Way to Discipline Your Child

10013293926_543aa80da2_zA frequent question I’m asked by younger parents is, “What is discipline actually supposed to look like?” If we didn’t have a good example in our own childhood it’s easy to adopt emotionally and reactionary methods to what our parents might have done with us when they were trying to point us in the way we ought to go. Believers should know they’re not without a guide in these things, and the way to discipline is a very logical and compassionate process.

Because the topic can be so controversial, I’ll start with the caveat…Situations can be different. Some children and some occasions may require a slightly or even very different approach. Age and maturity matter. Circumstances matter. Your own disposition matters. But for the sake of simplicity, and expecting wisdom to be used with any method, this is a basic framework for disciplining young children. I don’t think anything about it is original (at least I hope it’s not) except maybe the fact that I’ve found a way to start each one with the letter “I” (And I doubt that’s worth claiming). Hopefully you’ll find it useful.

1. Inform: Establish the Standard – You must give clear instruction and set clear standards. Don’t give yourself room to doubt what they said. Also, don’t underestimate their ability to understand it. This is the beginning of the effectiveness of the word: 2 Tim 3:16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness… Teaching precedes correction because correction without teaching is cruel. 

2. Investigate: Confront & Establish – When you think a child (or anybody) has violated a clear standard, confront them and establish the facts. If you don’t witness sin directly then you have to be careful. More than once I’ve responded to something I suspected I heard rather than witnessed, missing the warning of Proverbs 18:13, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” You may have shared in the similar situation where another accuser gets you’re righteous temperature up and you’re ready to meet out justice only to discover later that you didn’t have the whole story. Deuteronomy 19:15 is a helpful guide for these situations “A single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established.”

3. Isolate from Distractions – Remove your child from the view of others so that you can get their full attention. Remember the goal is to get to their heart, not to inflict punishment on them. This is truly an application of Col 3:21, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Most wives have learned that a husband can be difficult to talk to when a game is on. It’s not because a husband doesn’t care about his wife, he’s just distracted.  The same is true for little ones and big ones. Respect them and love them enough to move them to a context where they can give you their full attention without further embarrassment and where they are not as likely to miss the point you’re trying to get across.

4. Identify the Sin to Them AND It’s Biblical Alternative – This is where you move them toward a godward orientation. In Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3 Paul explains and gives very helpful examples of the “Put-Off and Put-On” principle. It’s simple. Say to your child, “You did _____. You should have done _____ instead.” Our Confessional Standard are helpful as well. The Westminster Larger Catechism (WLC 99.C) explains “That as, where a duty is commanded, the contrary sin is forbidden; and, where a sin is forbidden, the contrary duty is commanded.” This means you have to be clear: “God says, ‘Obey you’re father and mother’ (Eph 6:1-2). You told Mommy, ‘No’. When Mommy says to obey you say, “Yes ma’am. And obey right away”.

5. Issue the Consequence: Consequences are the great teacher in life. Some lessons we learn because we hear and believe or we watch and learn. Other lessons we’re not as excited about accepting and this is where consequences get our attention and steer us where we need to go. The Proverbs are so helpful here: Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Specific Consequences (Rod or Natural Consequences) – Tell them what the consequences are and administer them with consistency, confidence, conviction, and love. It’s a rescue mission for their soul every time. 

Verbal, Specific Repentance (Possible Restoration) – Make sure you include their verbal repentance and restitution as necessary. Normally it means them saying the words, “Mommy, will you forgive me for disobeying. I should have said ‘yes ma’am’ and done what you said.” Sometimes it also means handing back the toy to the one from whom they liberated it or replacing it with a better one from their own. Having them follow through here is as much as part of discipline as rod itself. The pain of repenting and restoring is an amazing teacher.

6. Implore God for Mercy and Grace – Pray with them and for them and when they are capable have them pray and ask God for forgiveness. Make sure your theology intrudes into your prayers (James 5:15-16). “Lord _____ has sinned against You. Forgive him for Jesus sake. Lord send your Spirit into his heart to make it new.”

7. Impress Upon Them Your Love – Finally, make sure they know they are restored to you. Give them hope that with Christ all thing are new (2 Cor 5:17). That they can have a new heart. That you love them. As a parent you are imitating God in his discipline and so it is fundamentally an act of love.

Should you hit all these steps every time? Pretty much. But it’s not as complicated as it may seem and it varies with each occasion. Don’t get caught up in this as a method but principles of God’s word that are occasions for you to daily witness to your child your love for them and concern for their holiness while you also bear witness to your trust in God for them.

 

The Martyrdom of Richard Cameron

Richard Cameron

Both our sons were named for martyrs for the Reformed Faith. Our middle son is “James Cameron” after the great Richard Cameron. This week marks the 335th anniversary of Cameron’s death, when he was hunted down by government soldiers , killed and beheaded at the age of 32, in Ayrsmoss, Scotland.

This did not come as a surprise, since at his ordination one of the ministers who laid hands upon his head said, “Here is the head of a faithful minister and servant of Jesus Christ, who shall lose the same for his Master’s interest, and it shall be set up before sun and moon in the public view of the world”. Cameron knew he was taking up the Reformed and Presbyterian ministry when it was illegal to do so.

Almost all of Cameron’s preaching was in “conventicles”, meetings held in the woods or in fields, since it was illegal to meet anywhere except in the State churches.

When Cameron was caught & killed, this effectively began what was known as “The Killing Times”. In his classic history entitled “The Scots Worthies” John Howie carefully estimates that over 18,000 believers of the Reformed persuasion were executed for the simple reason that they refused to state that the civil magistrate had authority over the church! Amazingly, many of those killed were women.

Frequently these “Covenanters” died while singing the psalms.

Cameron’s head and hands were brought to his father, who himself was in jail for the same reason. And when he was asked if he recognized the head and hands, he responded “I know them. They are my own dear son’s. Good is the will of the Lord, who cannot wrong me nor mine, but has made goodness and mercy to follow us all our days”.

The anniversary of Cameron’s martyrdom reminds us that those who are Christians of conviction must be ready to suffer and even die for those principles.

Law and Nature

In light of the recent Obergefell decision in which the Supreme (sic) Court attempted to redefine marriage, I was reminded of a quote by Dorothy Sayers. The quote comes from her book “The Mind of the Maker” in the first chapter. In this chapter Sayers makes a distinction between laws which come about through opinion – such as the laws of the game of cricket – and the laws of nature (what we call providence).

Sayers argues that one should never make laws of opinion that run contrary to the laws of nature. For example, if the cricket officials required that when someone hits the ball, the ball is not allowed to fall to earth again, they would be promoting a law of opinion (ball cannot fall) against the law of nature (gravity) with the consequent ruining of the game. Keeping this in mind, here is the quote:

“When the laws regulating human society are so formed as to come into collision with the nature of things, and in particular with the fundamental realities of human nature, they will end by producing an impossible situation which, unless the laws are altered, will issue in such catastrophes as war, pestilence and famine. Catastrophes thus caused are the execution of universal law upon arbitrary enactments which contravene the facts; they are thus properly called by theologians, judgments of God.”

Marriage and gender are defined and set by God – not opinion. Making laws to the contrary is not only foolhardy but invites His wrath.

The Lord’s Supper

The Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper is worth 919 pages of study…

This Sunday evening (July 12) we will delight in the Lord’s Supper at the close of our worship service. Each month, before we celebrate the sacrament, we (the pastors) want to remind you to prepare for this holy meal.

I seek to engage in some concentrated reading-both Scriptures and devotional material- to prepare my soul. This month I have dug deep.

Hughes Oliphant Old is the premier living scholar on all matters related to biblical worship. He is 82 and nearly blind, but is still an encyclopedic resource.

Dr. Hughes Oliphant Old

Dr. Old recently published his 919 page magnum opus on the Lord’s Supper, entitled “Holy Communion in the Piety of the Reformed Church.”

The book (edited by our dear friend and church planter – Dr. Jon Payne) is filled with insights.

Dr. Old surveys all the major reformed thinkers on the subject of the Lord’s Supper, including John Calvin, John Knox, the Puritans, Matthew Henry, the Erskine brothers, Jonathan Edwards, Charles Hodge, B.B. Warfield, Thomas Chalmers, C.H. Spurgeon and many others. Along the way Old points out where the church has veered off a straight path either in its theology or practice.

The marvelous thing about this volume is that Old carefully teases out the major “themes” that should be showing up in our celebration:

  • That our communion services are “down payments” on The Wedding Feast of the Lamb.
  • The sacrament is a “Public remembering” of the work of Christ, so that we might be thankful.
  • Our union with Christ is on display at the Lord’s Table.
  • Communion is more than just a sign, it is a sign and a seal. A seal being used to confirm a promise or make a document legal. This means that the covenant of grace has been “ratified”.
  • Preparation must be part of our celebration. Old has a marvelous discussion of how the Puritans trained their congregations to avoid “casual participation”.
  • Jesus is present! We often spend so long talking about how He is NOT present (transubstantiation and other erroneous understandings) that we never get around to affirming that our Risen Lord meets with us at the Table! And we truly “feed on Him” in this sacrament.
  • The communal nature of the sacrament – we should never have a greater sense of the unity of the church than at our communion services. This is one reason why we (like the church has done for centuries) take a diaconal offering, to share our goods with any in the Body who might be needy.

How are you preparing to come to the Table ?

Forgiveness in Marriage (or anywhere else)

 

2573762303_eedd8595db_oFirst off, I’m not fighting with my wife (Insert “smile” emoticon here). I was however looking through old notes and came across this topic and was incredibly thankful that God’s word makes clear a way for resolving sin in marriage. For many, you’ve been doing this for so long it’s second nature. But for others, it might be new. Or you may simply be in a spot where you need a reminder.

The first reminder is that the only thing that needs to be forgiven is sin. Not idiosyncrasies, not accidents, only sin. And we have to be careful that we don’t make a difference or a moment into sin. Sometimes a husband may want to assign emotion to the category of sin because he doesn’t feel so deeply (except maybe hunger). Sometimes a wife can feel like a husband’s lack of communication is an offense. To be sure both of these can be or do become sin, but reproof is not the place to start.

Second we have to know what to do about sin. There are two biblical options: Cover or Confront. In Proverbs 19:11 we’re told “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Peter echoes this wisdom, going a step further in 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” It’s a good habit in marriage to cover the sins of your spouse in love. Two sinners living together in tight quarters are bound to produce more than a few offenses but there’s both honor and love in overlooking the weakness of the other.

When a sin can’t or shouldn’t be covered, when the hurt is too deep, or the effects to dangerous, or the pattern too strong, then it is time for confrontation. Jesus commanded it (Mt 18:15-17) and Paul captures both the timing and tone in Galatians 6:1–2: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” That sense of self-awareness which says “I’m in just as much danger of likewise sinning” goes a long way toward confronting well. And that doesn’t mean merely a pious introduction, “I’m just as much a sinner as you…” but thinking on your own sin and past occasions of sin so that it is with sympathy that you confront. 

Third, we have to know what to do when our sin is confronted. It won’t work to have one partner identifying sin and another running from acknowledging that sin. The steps are simple

  1. Acknowledge you’ve sinned against her/him…”You’re right. What you said is true. I sinned.”
  2. Identify your specific sin by its biblical name…”I was being selfish. Love isn’t supposed to be selfish” (1 Cor 13:5).
  3. Acknowledge the harm your offense caused the one offended…”Because I was only thinking of me I made you’re life much harder.”
  4. Identify alternative biblical behavior to demonstrate repentance…”I should have thought of the consequences before I did that because you deserve a higher place in my thinking. I should have sacrificed what I wanted to I could think of the whole family.”
  5. Ask for forgiveness…”Will you forgive me?”

While that process is simple, the difficulty of actually following through with this is so great it demands the help of the Creator of the Universe. So don’t expect this to go well apart from the empowering of the Holy Spirit.

Finally, on the other side of the equation, forgiveness has to be granted. Forgiving, contrary to popular notions, is not forgetting. Forgiving is all about the forgiver making commitments:

  1. I won’t bring up again against the one I’m forgiving
  2. I won’t discuss hit or her sin with others
  3. I won’t dwell on the sin myself
  4. I won’t allow this to hinder our relationship

And those points aren’t a description of your feelings. Don’t be confused. You may still feel very hurt by the sin against you. You may have trouble trusting or moving on or letting go. But in spite of those, you commit to act the forgiveness out. And it’s a Gospel driven performance on your part. Nowhere is that made more clear than by Paul in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (cf. Col 3:13).

Covering, confronting, confessing, and forgiving are hard work. They take practice. And they’re are plenty occasions to practice on this side of glory. If you go too long between having to do one of those four it might be a sign of super-sanctification, but more likely it’s a sign of self-deception. If this doesn’t seem relevant, go ask your spouse. You might find you have some work to do.

Who or What Do You Identify As?

640px-Cole_Thomas_The_Garden_of_Eden_1828I was mulling over the Bruce Jenner situation – you know, the decathlete who now ‘identifies as a woman’ – and the Rachel A. Dolezal story, the white woman who ‘identifies’ as black.

When I was younger my friends and I used expressions like “I hear you” or “I can relate to that.” When we said this we merely meant “I understand what you are saying” or “As I listen to you I can feel something of what you are feeling.” As we moved into the modern (or postmodern) era we began to hear phrases like “I identify with that.” But now we’re into a whole new way of thinking; now instead of saying “I identify with that,” people are claiming “I identify as that,” meaning that – in their minds – they actually are what they believe themselves to be, despite all evidence to the contrary. Wow, we’ve come a long way!

As our culture moves from an overall belief in objective truth to believe in truth claims that are relative to time, place or person (I know, that’s a contradiction in terms, but that’s the way they talk), we should not be surprised by these kinds of expressions. But is this kind of language really so new?

Think back to the garden. What were the words of the serpent when he tempted Eve? “…you will be like God.” Does that sound familiar? If we did a translation in modern English it might read “you will identify as God.”

Maybe this concept is not so new after all.

Taking a Break

The Pastors’ Press is breaking this week for Vacation Bible School. If you haven’t followed since the very beginning then you might go back through the original postings. We strive not to be overly relevant in our content so our earlier postings shouldn’t have the same stale quality of old news.

We’ll be back soon!