Because we have been studying the section (in our Sunday AM expositions) of Ephesians 5:22-6:9 where the Apostle Paul is dealing with everyday relationships, especially Parent/Child relationships, I’ve been fielding lots of practical questions.
I’m more than grateful for both the large number of children the Lord has given us AND the intentionality with which their parents are seeking to raise them. In several conversations I’ve had over the last few weeks – I keep saying to parents: “Raise your children with the antithesis in clear focus.” By this I mean that Christian parenting recognizes THE antithesis, that the world thinks and acts one way and we (as believers under the Lordship and Authority of Christ) think and act in a radically different fashion.
As you raising your children in an overtly Christian manner? Here are a few Biblical character traits and their antithesis:
- Responsibility vs. Unreliability (Romans 14:12) – Is your child dependable? Does he do specific chores and tasks that he is responsible to perform? Without your nagging and reminding on a daily basis? Does he take responsibility for actions and bear the consequences of them?
- Generosity vs. Selfishness ( 2 Corinthians 9:6-7, 1 John 3:17, Philippians 2:3-4) – Is your child a giver or a taker? Does she share material possessions OR does she cling tightly to what’s “Mine”?
- Truthfulness vs. Deception (Ephesians 4:23) – Can you trust your child to tell the truth? Do they “exaggerate”? Remember, the child who yells loudest, “You don’t trust me!” is the one who has been untrustworthy in the past.
- Diligence vs. Slothfulness (Proverbs 12:27, Colossians 3:23) – Is your child lazy? Are they a starter, but not a finisher? Do they daydream?
- Self-Control vs. Self-Indulgence (Proverbs 25:28) – Without self-control your child will be under the tyranny of his whims and passions. A desire to feed one’s immediate lusts will lead to the misuse and abuse of food, time, sex, alcohol and drugs. Learning to sit quietly in worship is a good place to begin learning self-control!
- Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness (Galatians 6:9, Proverbs 19:15) – Does your child follow through with projects from beginning to end OR does he just wave at the jobs he’s given to do (home and school)? A good test case: When doing cleanup is he willing to crawl under the bed to get the last block or does he leave it for later?
- Joyfulness vs. Self-Pity (Proverbs 15:13) – Is your child afflicted by a sour, complaining, negative, cynical disposition? Or, does he possess the peace that passes understanding, even during rough times? Have you taught him the implications of Romans 8:28?
- Respect for the Authority and Property of Others vs. Disrespect for the Same (Ephesians 6:2-3, Exodus 20:15) – Does he act as if everything and everyone has been placed on earth to serve HIM & his desires? How does he talk (tone of voice, facial expression, attitude) to you? To teachers? You should discipline as much (or more!) for attitudes than actions.
- Gratitude vs. Ingratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18) – Does your child appreciate the things you do for him or does he simply “expect” you to cook his meals, do his laundry, chauffer him to soccer as his indentured servant? To see how hateful ingratitude is to the Lord- read (in context) Romans 1:21.
- Punctuality vs. Tardiness (Ecclesiastes 3:1) – Does he have schoolwork ready when it is due? Does she hold up the family when everyone else is ready to go? Teach your child that time is a precious gift and it is to be used wisely. Scripture commands us to “Redeem the time”. Guess where your child will learn the godly character habit of punctuality? From YOU!
- Orderliness vs. Disorganization (1 Corinthians 14:40)- What does your child look like? Is he neat in appearance or does he look disheveled? What does his room look like right now? Once again, where will a child learn the godly character trait of orderliness? From YOU! As a test, what does the inside of YOUR car look like right now? Whether you realize it, you are inculcating character habits into your child by your order, or lack thereof.
- Kindness vs. Contentiousness (Proverbs 26:20-21) – Does your child’s presence always seem to be strife-producing? What is the harmony level with her siblings and playmates? Does she bring drama with her wherever she goes?
- Discernment vs. Lack of Judgment (Proverbs 9:10, James 1:5) – Does your child base his decisions on Biblical truth? Is he easily led into falsehood? Is he naïve and gullible? When he samples a “piece of culture” (movies, tv, music, etc.) does he have the ability to discern unbiblical thought patterns ( feminism, psychobabble, environmentalism, evolutionism, universalism and all the other politically correct worldviews)? Does he ask God for wisdom?
- Obedience vs. Self-willed (2 Corinthians 10:5) – Does your child obey instantly or do you (wrongly) result to nagging, threats, counting and other foolishness? Remember, God’s standard for obedience is Prompt, Complete, Joyful and Unquestioning. Anything less than this is not obedience. Delayed obedience should never be allowed. Obedience that is done trudgingly and with a scowl is unacceptable. This one characteristic (obedience) is foundational to all the others. Remember, obedience was the first lesson God taught in the Garden.
- Contentment vs. Covetousness ( 1 Timothy 6:8) – Is your child delighted in how God made him (size of his nose and ears), the family he’s been placed in, the clothes and possessions YOU chose for him? Or, does he complain and whine about what other kids have, and what he doesn’t have? Once again, your attitude will be contagious, the spiritual habit of contentment will be “caught” more than it’s “taught”. So, the real question is: “Are YOU content with God’s providential lot?”
- Forgiveness vs. Grudge-Bearing (Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 6:15) – Are the relationships of your child characterized by petty arguments, cliques and on again/off again friendships? Forgiveness means (after repentance) no longer dwelling on the offense and restoring to full fellowship. Forgiveness is a promise to not raise the issue again (to self, others, or the offender).
- Purity vs. Impurity (Leviticus 11:45) – Does your child delight in double entendres, dirty jokes, suggestive song lyrics, profanity or friends who are known to do such? Remember, wrong friends = wrong activities, per Proverbs 13:20.
- Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness (John 15:13) – Is there faithfulness to Christ, the Church (would he rather play baseball on the Lord’s Day or worship and fellowship with the Body?) and his family (will he shun his siblings to play with neighborhood acquaintances?). When he makes a vow or a promise does he keep it?
These are only a few of the character traits that make up a godly person. Remember Genesis 5:3 teaches that the character of the parent is reproduced in the child. With that in mind, if you’ve seen a specific pathology of sin in your child’s life, it would be wise to examine your life for that identical sin.
If you’ve seen that YOUR example is THE problem in your child’s life, go to God and confess your specific sin (1 John 1:9), then pray for wisdom and diligence in dealing with it. Knowing that repentance means an “about-face”, study the Word carefully to see what you should replace your old sinful character trait WITH. For example, if you’ve been characterized by selfishness (and seen it reproduced in your child), PLAN to overtly, strategically, and specifically engage in open-handed generosity when your child can see it and be influenced by your actions, such as a sacrificial gift or an occasion of hospitality.
Honestly investigate your child’s relationship to Christ. We can talk interminably about discipline, behavioral changes, and acceptable conduct, but unless your child has been sovereignly regenerated by the Holy Spirit and responded in repentance and saving faith, he’ll NOT BE ABLE to live a godly life. It is vital to realize that we as parents are responsible (and limited) to the outward obedience and conformity to God’s Word. Only God can give true heart change. Therefore, we should be upon our knees…frequently…before our gracious, covenant-keeping God, with the cry that He would do heart work in our children.
- The Well-Ordered Home - May 16, 2017
- Grace-Based Parenting - March 8, 2017
- The Civil Government Has Asked Us to Pray - November 16, 2016
